Acceptable April Fools夜上海千花坊’ Day Jokes

• Google sends your search history to everyone in your address book
• Amazon stops taking orders but keeps sending products
• Slack turns every message into a tweet that @ mentions your boss
• Twitter employs a crude problematical algorithm to retweet 50 of your oldest tweets
• Facebook shows people how frequently you look at their profiles and for how long; the most-viewed profile gets a push notification
• Tumblr finds 100 people who most resemble a younger you, physically but especially professionally, and follows them
• Uber app locks the car doors until you make the driver cry (method yours)
• Apple shares your entire Camera Roll with your immediate and extended family
• Seamless emails you the total calorie count of everything you ordered every month last year and CCs your physician and spouse
• Instagram charges one dollar to like or comment on someone’s photo
• Snapchat sends you a link to a YouTube video. It is every message you’ve ever sent. 301+ views.
• Foursquare sends a full unbranded account of your whereabouts to your local police station with no explanation
• Reddit accounts switch to real names
• Periscope/Meerkat automatically activates when it senses your phone is in your pocket and stops when you take it out
• LinkedIn sends you a list of employers who looked at your profile but clicked away in under ten seconds. It sends each of those employers a message: “What was wrong?”
• WebMD searches read to parents over phone in a consoling voice
• Online banking app uses extremely simple math to determine your lifestyle is unsustainable and notifies you of this fact after every transaction
• Tinder replaces every tenth message with “you look like my mom/dad when he/she was young”
• The New York Times app listens for narrative nonfiction content and if possible tells you how it ends
• Every Google Maps route leads to the nearest jail where you are arrested and spend the next ten years incarcerated (spon)
• Venmo sends a request for $20 to every one of your exes
• Netflix inserts ads
• Mysterious app appears on your phone. It has a logo and a name but does not work; when you open it it displays a year. It is the company 上海千花坊诗涵that will eventually replace your job with part-time contract labor.
• Coin glued to floor